Whether a witty repartee is established in those first few messages on Tinder or Bumble could be the first step to a lasting relationship.And the problems persist among long-term couples for whom texting and emailing have in many ways supplanted face-to-face conversations.“Women are still subjected to the implicit assumption that we will be ‘clingy’ and ‘needy,’ and in order to project ‘chillness’ it’s necessary to curb our own propensity for chattiness,” says Bruner. As a woman talking to men on dating apps, if the pickup lines are uninspired, the emoji game is weak or the conversation doesn’t break any new ground, I’ll stop responding immediately.
It was yet another box to check as we sought a significant other: textual chemistry.
These discussions aren’t all that different from those of generations past: pick up lines have always been picked apart and the art of the voicemail analyzed by singles long before the advent of texting.
And many of the old, gendered traditions of who reaches out to whom and when have (for better or worse) persisted.
We liked the same movies, books, television shows, music. “I actually think the reason we dated for as long as we did was that I was hoping he’d become the guy I fell for via text.” The transition from texting to reality can be tricky. It’s game theory, figuring out how best to intrigue the other person,” says Sherry Turkle, whose book advocates for a return to face-to-face communication.
In fact, we were, and he just consistently made me laugh and smile a lot,” she says. “The danger is you extend ‘the game’ into the relationship, and that game becomes normalized.